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Lyrics for Stan Writes Santa (parody) by Eminem
It will soon be Christmas Day
Theyíre going out to sleigh
Heíll come slide right down my chimney
To give some gum aní treats
Iíve got silvers bells, and Santaís elves
Itís my favorite holiday
They remind me that itís Christmas time
Itís Christmas timeÖ
Howís it going? Yo itís Stan. Whatís up?
I wanted to send you my letter earlier
You know, to beat the Christmas rush.
I know we already spoke when I saw you at the mall
But I thought you might forget
So just bring me what I wrote on this list,
And weíll be all set.
First off, I want a Sony Playstation 2
And a bunch of games, I donít care which ones
Iíll leave that up to you.
I want that Teenage Dirtbag CD by Weathus
Some health figure jeans and a new par Adidas.
Bring me a TV and a home computer.
A fat leather jacket and a racer scooter
I donít want no books I donít want no socks
I donít want none of that stuff.
I trust you Santa I know youíll hook a brother up.
Hey and listen: after delivering all those gifts
I think youíre ready to party
So instead of cookies and milk
Iíma hook you up with a party
Well, I know you got a lot to do and a lot to plan
So just beep me if you got any questions.
Yo Iím out. This is Stan.
Dear Fat Man.
You didnít bring me nothing I asked you to!
I guess this is all some kind of sick joke to you.
Does messing with me bring you some kind of joy?
I asked you for a Playstation 2
You brang me a gameboy!
And whatís up with this chemistry set that wasnít on the list g.
And what in the world makes you think Iíd want Britney Spears CD?
I think youíve been in the cold to long it must have froze your brain.
I specifically said no socks, I got 14 pairs, are you insane?
And whereís my racer scooter, did you leave that on the shelf?
JeezeLouise Santa. Do I have to do everything myself?
You better bring me my stuff by New Year
Or next year I wonít leave you none of my daddyís beer.
Do we understand each other Santa?
Good, thatís what I thought.
P. S. Tell Mrs. Claus, I think she hot.
Donít threaten me you snot-nosed little punk.
Thereís a very good reason I left you all that whacked junk.
I make two lists each year to separate everybody
I got one list for the nice and one list for the naughty.
In February this year you stole some cash from your mother
In March you beat the crap out of your poor little brother.
In April you skipped 3 days of school
And in May you started smoking Ďcause you thought it was cool.
In June you stole a bicycle with no hesitation.
July and August, hmmÖ you where ok.
What, you take a vacation?
September my goodness, you made quite an impression.
Burglary, assault, misdemeanor possession.
So you see you little scumbag, thereís a reason you got this.
You were at the very top on my naughty boys list.
So complain all you want about your lame Christmas gifts.
You got what you deserved.
P.S. Thanks for the Schlitz.
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